I'm back, and I'm 120lbs lighter
A week after I last wrote here two years ago, I woke up in excruciating pain, unable to get out of bed.
I was 27 and I was suffering. Physically, mentally, and emotionally.
Since then, I’ve lost 120 pounds and experienced a transformation unlike anything I imagined.
Until that morning two years ago, I thought I was doing so good.
I was doing work I love, working out, going to therapy, all while living on the beach… what more could I need?
Yet there I was, 27 years old, so disconnected from myself that my body was screaming for attention, threatening to give up if I didn’t listen this time.
Thanks to my 🐶 Lilah (truly the bestest friend), I forced myself out of bed that day for her walk.
30 minutes later, I was sitting alone on my balcony, crying uncontrollably. Soon I felt arms around me, holding me so tight.
At first I thought it was my husband, but then I heard a woman’s voice, “Calma, no preocupe.”
It was Ana, who has since become a part of our family, but at that time was a stranger who was in our house that day covering for our regular cleaners.
A stranger comforting me in the most generous way made me recognize that I had been waiting for my husband to do just that. To comfort me, soothe me, and help me escape from my feelings, my pain, from myself.
Instead of taking personal responsibility, I was waiting for someone else to fix me.
A hug can be magical, because Ana’s hug propelled me into action: searching desperately on google for a therapist, leading me to a healing center that same day and triggering a transformational journey unlike anything I expected.
I felt called to start writing again a few days ago, to continue documenting my Edvolution—my journey of unlearning, thinking well, and creating the life I feel most aligned with.
Here’s the biggest lesson I’ve learned so far:
Radical outcomes require radical changes.
I’ll start by sharing three radical changes I’m most grateful for:
Prioritizing my health over everything else. This required so much more than I expected. So much more than working out every day and eating clean.
In the last two years, I’ve learned more about my body and what it needs than I understood prior.I’ve attracted phenomenal coaches and friends — people who’ve taught me invaluable lessons and equipped me with powerful tools to take extreme ownership over my health.
Taking control of my environment. Something shifted in me when I first made the decision to move across the country in 2020, from LA to Miami, and drastically change my environment.
Having lived in CA for more than two decades, and feeling pretty happy for the most part, I didn’t realize anything was missing.
But it wasn’t until I moved to Miami that I realized I had been needing a change desperately. This move helped me understand the power of taking control of my environment, and the freedom that comes with it.
Everything is everywhere, and the environment selects.
I’m paying close attention to what my environments bring out of me, what parts of me they select. With that awareness, I’m exercising radical self-agency and designing my environments to select more of what I want from myself.Becoming data-driven. That day two years ago would not be the last I’d wake up in excruciating pain. It would come and go for six months after that. The traditional healthcare system failed me, telling me my bloodwork was normal for the most part and I likely just needed to lose some weight. As if I hadn’t already been trying for years to shed the weight… As if it was perfectly normal for a 27 year old to be waking up in crippling pain…
Intuitively I knew this wasn’t about eating clean and working out. It didn’t even make sense logically. How do you even begin to work out aggressively enough to shed meaningful weight when you can’t get out of bed most days….?
The answers were in the data.
They were in my cytokine panel that showed my inflammation was off the charts.
They were in my metabolic study that indicated a genetic metabolism disorder.
They were in my MRI report that showed my liver fat was 17% , whereas the normal range was 1-4%.
This data saved my life.
My husband and I’ve begun living, what I like to call, a data-driven lifestyle. We see data as our most valuable resource. It lets us sharpen and validate our most powerful tool: our intuition.
I’m both excited and nervous to be sharing parts of my journey again. Excited because it’s a calling — any time I feel the intuitive ping to do something, I know I’m in for a beautiful ride. Nervous because I know sharing these parts of the journey requires a lot of… vulnerability and radical honesty. That’s likely why I’m being called to do this, another journey into discomfort that I know I’ll be grateful for.
Which reminds me, I came across this post earlier today and resonated so hard:
Here’s to putting ourselves through enjoyable torture 😉
Would love to hear how you’re doing, please write back if you feel compelled. How are you doing, really? What is top of mind for you right now?
Love,
Shireen